Imagine the life of a federal judge in the Southern District of Florida back in 2005. On Monday, you hold a hearing on contested legislation. On Tuesday, you rule in a national security case. But on Wednesday—bah, there’s just something about Wednesday—you have to spend a sunny day indoors, reading technical affidavits on satellite TV bootloaders, electronic countermeasures, and smartcard voltage dips that take place 522 clock ticks after startup.

Strange trouble

Over the last several decades of his life, former football star O.J. Simpson got himself into a truly wide-ranging set of difficulties. After the killings of his ex-wife and her friend, “the Juice” led police on his infamous white Bronco freeway chase (1994), was charged with murder (1994), was acquitted of murder (1995), was sued for “wrongful death” (1996), was found liable for “wrongful death” (1997), defaulted on his California mortgage (1997), had his Heisman Trophy auctioned (1999), and eventually moved to Florida (2000), which had strong laws protecting homes and pensions from creditors and court judgments.

Then came a period of relative calm. Simpson avoided major legal drama, though he still managed to get charged with battery (2001—later acquitted) and for speeding in a boat through a manatee zone (2002—bench warrant issued, later reduced to a $130 fine).

Wednesday promises to be more interesting than usual. You settle into your leather chair and begin reading the filings in DirecTV, Inc. v. O.J. Simpson.